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Black men are twice as likely as black women to seek marriage outside of their race.

Statistics collected by Ok Cupid reveal that black women are the least desirable demographic in the dating pool. Still, secretly, I wanted a loving spouse and children of my own.

Many people reading this probably think that’s part of what the institution of marriage is all about: Taking on one another’s commitments and supporting each other through financial hardship.

Those people do not understand that this country’s institutions constantly fail black people.

Because of these realities, I had resigned to the idea that there would be no “I do” in my future. That view of my future drastically changed when my casual request to shoot hoops was accepted.

Not only did I find a black man who wanted to love me, but I also felt he was worthy of my love.

While I was worried about finding a suitable guy, I overlooked the ways that I could be “unsuitable.” I failed to recognize that America disincentives marriage for black women trying to bootstrap their way out of the generational hardship created by centuries of disenfranchisement and discrimination.

In my current financial circumstance, being a single mother is better than a married woman.

It's not just that getting hitched could potentially harm our finances—there are actual, tangible costs.

A close friend thought she was having a baby with the love of her life whom she would eventually marry, only to find out that he got woman pregnant.“Mixed babies are cuter,” he told her when she found out.

He’d already branded their black fetus less desirable than the one he created with a white woman. Black men are disproportionately losing the fight to overcome those crises, while black women are desperately trying to flourish, creating an imbalance of available men versus women.

I finally felt confident enough in our relationship to say “yes” to the big question.

And yet, I’m hesitant to actually walk down the aisle. ” he asked casually over dinner a few months after bringing our baby home from the hospital. I was a 21-year-old college student trying to find a committed, respectful relationship in the midst of New York City hook-up culture.

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